being a perfectionist SUCKS.

and being perfect is not easy because nothing/no one is.

THIS. IS. LIFE.

fucks you hard and then leaves you wondering what actually happened.

sucks to be me, sucks to be you. get over it.

-J

i have a thing for bows. bows on guys.. bows on girls… both just makes me feel.. idk.. preppy? wtf

***

funny. i was thinking about the value of money earlier and also how it affects anyone at all in out lives. friends.. family.. ourselves..

i have this theory that diff people value money differently, and diff people, of course are rich in different ways.
some people come from obvious rich families and are born rich like f. while some work their way to a level considerably wealthy, while some have just enough to survive from paycheck to paycheck. and the others, are considered poor (in monetary terms).

well.. there’s one more category i’d say, which i think is where i belong. the category where we’re neither rich nor poor, or anywhere in between… and money worth nothing to us.

u may find me ignorant, to not value or appreciate money in any sense, but for me, money is what tears everyone apart. it kills you, makes you want more out of your life, breaks relationships, causes tension and just everything negative possible.

i dont mind waking up poor tomorrow.. or waking up super rich… to me, it does not make a difference. money is nothing. it’s just a piece of paper. hmm.. im seriously screwed huh?

i do not feel like elaborating more on my thoughts exactly, but i just felt that , knowing some of my close acquaintances getting really bothered when it comes to , money, makes me feel that there’s more to life than worrying about a piece of paper (which could/could not solve their life’s problem(s))

idk. dont get me wrong. i have been poor. in fact, ive always been poor. and i do not have that urge to be rich at all. i just feel that money is really……….. nothing.

:/

***

i have a weird dream yesterday. or was it the day before yest.

i was already late for work, but i continue snoozing anyway knowing that i need the extra eye shut. off i go to dreamland. anyways. i was dreaming about myself being framed by the police for some weird crime… and then all my friends and family came to rescue me and before you know it.. i took out a gun and shot everyone dead. it was pretty gory. to end my nightmare… i shove the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger.
and then i woke up.

i wish i know what my dreams meant. because it was really disturbing.
i cant stop thinking about it and it just makes me think that… maybe the dream meant that i simply dont trust anyone at all in my life, sometimes, including myself.

oh well.

to much thinking. less talking and time for a rest.

:/

goodnight world.
ohm shanti.

-J

Okay this has nothing to do with the picture above but stupidity reallllly, really gets to me. I cant take people who ask stupid questions, or things that they should have already know, or could have taken the initiative to do a lil research before opening their mouth and ask. i can accept ignorance. but not stupidity. period.

this also have nothing to do with my pic above but im also a strong believer of education and learning. termination of an employee is never a solution because … how can a person advance or ever learn if they were never given a chance to. Sometimes one can get too carried away with power and responsibility and forget about values. sometimes one cant let go of ego and their pride and be a selfish prick. sometimes some people just amazes me with their conceited and arrogant personality. i wish i can bring them all together in a room and talk some sense to their head.

anyways. welcome bb e zen to the world. :) i wish everything pretty and happy to your eyes and may you be blessed with good health always.

my messsssssssssssy room! and my mountain of clothes begging for laundry service pronto!

i look like shit by the day. no wonder i am stressing out. sense of fashion closing to zero. sos.

paramore love! okay the next band i wish to see whom will make their way to asia is…………………. Fall Out Boys! :P ahha.. pop punk rock is fucking awesome ok.

i need some ralph loving. and yes.. i realize im old and my dressing style have gone grandmotherish. but.. that’s a style too right? wtf

on a side note maybe, another pair into my billions of sneakers collection- a pair of skulled converse will not hurt.

will blog again soon. i feel wordy today.

-Jen

***

My fav song they performed was still misery business. Somehow i can never get bored of tht song. Hayley was pretty pumped up whole night and the crowd was awesome. Everyone knows every single word to their song.

Anyway, if you have not heard of paramore… shame on you. :/

Hopefully they will make their way to Malaysia one day. I’m sure Malaysian crowd wont dissapoint them as well! :P

-J

Going for my FIRST Paramore Gig in Sg this weekend! :P Soooooooooooooooo excited! :P Hope they rock hard on Sun! ;)

-J

Below are picture proof of some indulging i had for the past few weeks.. all images through my trusty phone. haha :P

japanese food! :P top of the list

tidak halal :/

lat sei lei ah mah wtf

comfort food yg biasa..

icecream + wafflesss <3

macciato~

macha gelato

pepper lunchie :P

cheekenchopwoh

mee siam ah

home cooked food #1

daily bfast set

home cooked food #2

mocha frappe

yushengs :P

another american bfast

porridge ah

yet another american breakfast

kunthai ahhh

chendol gula melaka in a cup wtf

pathetic nasi lemak

nasi lemak sedap(mali)

indo mee ftw

herbal pan mee hoe sek ah

korean kimchi ramen

roti kosong 2

toast bread

har meen ah

nasi bojari wtf

rojak ah!!!!

***

no doubt i love malaysian food. yumz. :) ajak me for makan2 k. i dont mind gaining weight cause i am already fugly anyways.
peaceouts

-J

Just to share with you something i found and also what i truly believe in. :)

the HAPPY MAP

-J

***

i realize something silly today. the fact that humans are symbions and we need each other for survival.

ever wonder why all of a sudden your friend gives you a call or look for you either online or personally? after giving much thought to it.. i realize people only look for you when they want something.

think about it.

it can be.. for companionship, your ideas, your help, something from you.

if you have a friend who look for you.. and absolutely wants NOTHING from you.

i would like to know that person.

-J

i guess i was in denial, over the fact that i actually needed this space to somehow channel my inner thoughts. keeping my thoughts in my head not only step up to my current headache, but also my refusal to acknowledge my heartache as well. le sigh. so where do i begin?……..

don’t know.

i am troubled by the fact that i am troubled over things that i shouldn’t be thinking about right now.  all the positivity i am trying to channel seems distant from my current thoughts. as usual, i may appear jovial and merry but i never am, or never was. i am done debating about myself being the same or different from the past. the truth is, i have changed. and people changed. everyone i used to know is different now. there is no point to clarify my state of contradicting personality.

as simple as i can put it….. i am no longer happy.

somehow the one thing that i want the most… is the hardest to achieve. sometimes i try to think whether i tried to hard. but the fact is i do not have to try at all. a recent video i watched mentioned that happiness is how you perceive your surroundings. simple things like having a home to go back to, having food on your table,having friends to hang out with and so on… those are what makes you happy. it is right in front of you even when you are unaware of it. i guess i have lived by the same rules all these while but who am i to kid… i do not exactly share the same kind of joy anymore.

i felt empty.

as hollow as the nothingness in the air.. so blank, that sometimes it scares me to even think about it… and my only escape is to counter my feelings, showing the world how thrilled and contented i am.i know this can be a  frivolous  matter to anyone i know… some say it’s me being emotional , but then again, i have been feeling the same all this while, feeling so irrational.. of what i have been trying so hard to do, or to become. hmmm.

sometimes we fight for things that we don’t even know why we are fighting for.

sometimes in our life, we meet people we tend to dislike… but then the feeling go away because deep down, we are just afraid. and the reason for the prejudice is because we are scared that one day, he/she may become or is superior to us.

sometimes we run away. so far away that you don’t even look back, and just kept running.

sometimes i do not understand what is everyone talking about… but i pretended as if i do. i feel the need to connect.

sometimes i know i am unhappy.

but i fake a smile on my face to make everyone else happy.

and i guess sometimes… i need to be selfish. and that… is the most heartaching part

the cycle goes on and on.  in the end.. i am no longer the me i used to be.

simple. yet so hard for me to admit to the world.

***

Just to share..

The Law of Least EffortThis law is based on the fact that nature’s intelligence functions with effortless ease and abandoned carefreeness. This is the principle of least action, of no resistance. This is, therefore, the principle of harmony and love. When we learn this lesson from nature, we easily fulfill our desires. In Vedic Science, the age-old philosophy of India, this principle is known as the principle of economy of effort, or “do less and accomplish more.” Ultimately, you come to the state where you do nothing and accomplish everything. This means that there is just a faint idea, and then the manifestation of the idea comes about effortlessly. What is commonly called a “miracle” is actually an expression of the Law of Least Effort.Least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love, because nature is held together by the energy of love. When you seek power and control over other people, you waste energy. When you seek money or power for the sake of the ego, you spend energy chasing the illusion of happiness instead of enjoying happiness in the moment. When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates–and the surplus energy you gather and enjoy can be channeled to create anything that you want, including unlimited wealth. There are three components to the Law of Least Effort–three things you can do to put this principle of “do less and accomplish more” into action. The first component is acceptance. Acceptance simply means that you make a commitment: “Today I will accept people, situations, circumstances and events as they occur.” This means I will know that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be. The second component is responsibility. This means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself. This allows you the ability to have a creative response to the situation as it is now. All problems contain the seeds of opportunity, and this awareness allows you to take the moment and transform it to a better situation or thing. The third component to the Law of Least Effort is defenselessness. This means that you have relinquished the need to convince or persuade others of your point of view. If you relinquish this need you will in that relinquishment gain access to enormous amounts of energy that have been previously wasted.”

http://deepakchopra.com/category/interact-blog/7-spiritual-laws/

-J

:)

happy chinese new year all. hope the tiger year brings you roaring luck, health and wealth! ;)

i will be back in ipoh doing my thang. :/ bitches call me up!

Partay all night long! gong hey gong hey!

-J