as i sit down staring at something so simple, yet took me hours to complete. inspiration close to zero. headache reaching it’s maximal level. and my tummy screaming for attention.

being a perfectionist SUCKS.

and being perfect is not easy because nothing/no one is.

THIS. IS. LIFE.

fucks you hard and then leaves you wondering what actually happened.

sucks to be me, sucks to be you. get over it.

-J

i have a thing for bows. bows on guys.. bows on girls… both just makes me feel.. idk.. preppy? wtf

***

funny. i was thinking about the value of money earlier and also how it affects anyone at all in out lives. friends.. family.. ourselves..

i have this theory that diff people value money differently, and diff people, of course are rich in different ways.
some people come from obvious rich families and are born rich like f. while some work their way to a level considerably wealthy, while some have just enough to survive from paycheck to paycheck. and the others, are considered poor (in monetary terms).

well.. there’s one more category i’d say, which i think is where i belong. the category where we’re neither rich nor poor, or anywhere in between… and money worth nothing to us.

u may find me ignorant, to not value or appreciate money in any sense, but for me, money is what tears everyone apart. it kills you, makes you want more out of your life, breaks relationships, causes tension and just everything negative possible.

i dont mind waking up poor tomorrow.. or waking up super rich… to me, it does not make a difference. money is nothing. it’s just a piece of paper. hmm.. im seriously screwed huh?

i do not feel like elaborating more on my thoughts exactly, but i just felt that , knowing some of my close acquaintances getting really bothered when it comes to , money, makes me feel that there’s more to life than worrying about a piece of paper (which could/could not solve their life’s problem(s))

idk. dont get me wrong. i have been poor. in fact, ive always been poor. and i do not have that urge to be rich at all. i just feel that money is really……….. nothing.

:/

***

i have a weird dream yesterday. or was it the day before yest.

i was already late for work, but i continue snoozing anyway knowing that i need the extra eye shut. off i go to dreamland. anyways. i was dreaming about myself being framed by the police for some weird crime… and then all my friends and family came to rescue me and before you know it.. i took out a gun and shot everyone dead. it was pretty gory. to end my nightmare… i shove the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger.
and then i woke up.

i wish i know what my dreams meant. because it was really disturbing.
i cant stop thinking about it and it just makes me think that… maybe the dream meant that i simply dont trust anyone at all in my life, sometimes, including myself.

oh well.

to much thinking. less talking and time for a rest.

:/

goodnight world.
ohm shanti.

-J

greentea yeah. i had a weird nightmare yesterday. It was the sort that would make you bounce up screaming in the middle of the night and it’s not anything near to death or that kinda shit. i had a dream that my life is over because my career was over cause someone else screw it up, real bad. hmm. I would like to think that my career is all i have right now so anything that’s close to bringing it to jeopardy brings cold sweat to me. somehow the longer i work the less confidence i have in myself. which i think is bad.

Okay this has nothing to do with the picture above but stupidity reallllly, really gets to me. I cant take people who ask stupid questions, or things that they should have already know, or could have taken the initiative to do a lil research before opening their mouth and ask. i can accept ignorance. but not stupidity. period.

this also have nothing to do with my pic above but im also a strong believer of education and learning. termination of an employee is never a solution because … how can a person advance or ever learn if they were never given a chance to. Sometimes one can get too carried away with power and responsibility and forget about values. sometimes one cant let go of ego and their pride and be a selfish prick. sometimes some people just amazes me with their conceited and arrogant personality. i wish i can bring them all together in a room and talk some sense to their head.

anyways. welcome bb e zen to the world. :) i wish everything pretty and happy to your eyes and may you be blessed with good health always.

my messsssssssssssy room! and my mountain of clothes begging for laundry service pronto!

i look like shit by the day. no wonder i am stressing out. sense of fashion closing to zero. sos.

paramore love! okay the next band i wish to see whom will make their way to asia is…………………. Fall Out Boys! :P ahha.. pop punk rock is fucking awesome ok.

i need some ralph loving. and yes.. i realize im old and my dressing style have gone grandmotherish. but.. that’s a style too right? wtf

on a side note maybe, another pair into my billions of sneakers collection- a pair of skulled converse will not hurt.

will blog again soon. i feel wordy today.

-Jen